Graduation, Part 1

I have two children. Years ago, I naively thought that I’d have one high school graduation ceremony, maybe two. I have five. I’ve arrived in Israel for the first of my daughter’s two ceremonies; my son has three.

True to form, after arriving in the Airbnb, I dropped off the bags I had, jumped in the shower, dressed, and tried to find a cab to get me to her campus. One app, the one my daughter recommended using, wouldn’t take my credit card. I tried again, still no luck. I tried a different credit card. Same result. I tried a different company and a different app. Success. I had just over an hour to make the thirty- minute drive to her school. I, of course, made it to the campus with only ten minutes to spare. Of course, after almost breaking my neck to get there, the event started thirty minutes late.

The boarding school, or pnimiya, graduation was not what I expected. Some of the things that I expect from graduations were missing. There were no caps and gowns, no presentation of certificates, no marching in and out in alphabetical order. Instead, it felt more like the end of summer camp combined with speeches by the staff.

There were a lot of adults who took the opportunity to speak. No one has ever argued that the school lacks a sufficient number of administrators. Among the speakers were the principal of the school, the head of the program, the olim or immigrant coordinator for the program, counselors, the house mother, and a representative from the Ministry of Education.

The students emceed their portion of the event and performed a variety of skits about their experiences in school over the last four years. At the end, each student was called up by name, received a balloon, and joined in singing the school song, at the end of which the balloons were released.

It was a bittersweet experience for me. I am very proud of what my daughter has accomplished in four years living in Israel. Beyond the academics in which she has excelled, she has learned to be independent, learned how to fight for what she needs, built relationships and a support network, and learned how to navigate Israeli society and bureaucracy. She has become a very confident and driven young woman.

At the same time, seeing her surrounded by all the friends that I’ve heard about for years, some of whom I’ve spoken to or heard while on the phone, I feel the downside of four years abroad. I really don’t know her friends or her day to day life the same way I would if she were back in the United States with friends coming over to study, spending the night on weekends, or going out together. Not being there for birthdays, special occasions, and just going out for ice cream or an after-dinner treat. It is definitely a tradeoff. Who is to say whether or not she would have developed the same degree of confidence and independence at home?

I am here for several more weeks. I’m looking forward to being able to spend more time with her, her brother, and their friends.